Listen… I’m just going to say it: if my holiday side dishes were on dating apps, the algorithm would absolutely lose its mind. Half of them would be fighting over me like dramatic contestants on a cooking-themed Bachelor, and the other half would ghost me after one bite and a promise of “We should do this again sometime.”
But the truth is, our holiday table really is a little bit like a friend group with big personalities. You’ve got the dependable one. The dramatic one. The emotionally clingy one. The one that’s way too spicy but insists they’re “low maintenance.” And of course — the one who thinks they’re the main character even though they’re clearly a side.
So naturally, I decided to imagine what it would look like if my regular Thanksgiving sides had dating profiles. Grab a snack (may I recommend a slice of pumpkin pie?), settle in, and enjoy the delicious mayhem.
🌽Cornbread Dressing
Bio: “Old soul. Family-oriented. Shows up on time (every Thanksgiving).”
About Me: I’m the loyal one — the long-term relationship type. My recipe has been passed down for generations, and yes, I’m still moist and emotionally stable. Classic. Reliable. The one your grandma whispers to you about over the stove like, “Now don’t you go changing this.”
Looking For: Someone who appreciates a little tradition… and a lot of sage.
🧀Mac & Cheese
Bio: “Cheesy but in a hot way.”
About Me: I’m the comfort you keep coming back to. I photograph well, I’m silky, I’m golden, and I cling to you in the best possible way (yes, I’m talking about the thick, gooey kind).
Looking For: Someone who can handle commitment and carbs.
🍠Sweet Potato Casserole
Bio: “Sweet with a wild side.”
About Me: I’m a sugar-topped, marshmallow-crusted surprise. Call me the walking red flag of the holiday table — you know I’m entirely too much, but you keep coming back anyway because I’m FUN.
Looking For: Someone who enjoys a little unpredictability… and dessert disguised as a vegetable.
💚Green Bean Casserole
Bio: “Not for everyone — but the real ones get it.”
About Me: I’m quirky. I’m crunchy. I’m a little bit retro. I look like I came from a 1950s church potluck and I’m absolutely fine with that. Confidence: unmatched.
Looking For: Someone who appreciates my fried onions and my complex personality.
🥐Rolls
Bio: “Carb enthusiast. Self-proclaimed softie.”
About Me: I’m easygoing, I go with everything, and honestly? I bring nothing but good vibes. I’m warm, dependable, and slightly overbaked sometimes, but baby, that just means I’ve seen some things.
Looking For: Anyone — literally anyone — who will slather me in butter and give me purpose.
🥫Cranberry Sauce
Bio: “Misunderstood artist.”
About Me: I’m the creative soul of the group. Sometimes I’m homemade, sometimes I show up straight from a can with ridges like I’m wearing a well-pressed gown. Polarizing? Yes. Essential? Also yes.
Looking For: Someone who believes in second chances.
🥔Mashed Potatoes & Gravy
Bio: “You’ll never feel lonely again.”
About Me: I am the comfort blanket of the holiday table. Creamy. Cozy. Slightly clingy. And yes, I will drape myself over your entire plate if you let me — it’s who I am as a person.
Looking For: Someone who doesn’t mind a relationship with depth.
🐣Bonus: Deviled Eggs (If They Invited Themselves)
Bio: “I wasn’t asked to be here, but here I am.”
About Me: Showing up uninvited since every family gathering ever. I’m always gone within ten minutes and leave behind a faint smell of paprika and mystery.
Looking For: Someone who isn’t afraid of a little boldness.
A Quick (but Legendary) Deviled Egg Recipe
Because let’s be honest: even if they invite themselves, we still expect them to taste amazing.
Ingredients:
- 6 large eggs
- 3 tablespoons mayonnaise
- 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
- 1 teaspoon sweet pickle relish
- Salt & pepper to taste
- Paprika for sprinkling (they insist)
Instructions:
- Boil the eggs
Place eggs in a pot, cover with water, bring to a boil. Once boiling, turn off heat, cover, and let sit for 10–12 minutes. - Cool & peel
Drain, run under cold water, and peel like you have your life together. (Optional: pretend the shells are your worries cracking off. Healing.) - Mix the filling
Slice eggs in half, remove yolks, and mash with mayo, mustard, relish, salt, and pepper. Taste and adjust. If it needs more zing? Add it. If it needs more mayo? Honey… always. - Assemble
Spoon or pipe the filling into the whites. I use a zip-top bag with the corner snipped off because it makes me feel like a Food Network contestant. - Garnish
Sprinkle with paprika like you’re blessing the dish.
If your family’s holiday table looks anything like mine, it’s full of personality, nostalgia, and at least one dish you swear you’re never making again (until next year).
But maybe just maybe that’s the charm of it all. These dishes tell our stories. Our traditions. Our quirks. Our love. And if they ever did get dating profiles? They’d get more right swipes than all of us combined.
Forever swiping right on the side dishes,
Natalie 💛💛
Honey without Flowers 