👩‍⚖️Subtitle: From Judgey Judy to Just Let Me Put My Reading Glasses On First

Let me tell you something about younger me: she was full of opinions. Not the helpful kind, either. The “I’ll never do that” kind. The judgment came easy, the eyebrows were perpetually raised, and the eye-rolls were Olympic level. I had standards, people. Principles. Boundaries etched in stone.

And now?

Let’s just say I’ve been personally victimized by every single one of my past declarations.

So here we are—an honest, slightly embarrassing, but mostly hilarious peek into the things I once swore I’d never do… that I now do with wild abandon.

🐊Wear Crocs… in Public… Proudly

Oh, how I mocked. I called them garden shoes. I called them “rubber shame.” I said no grown woman with a working mirror would ever step out in them. Fast forward to me at Target in sparkly pink Crocs most likely with some fashionable ankle socks.

Comfort won. Fashion lost. And I regret nothing.

🪴Talk to My Plants Like They’re People

Once upon a time, I believed houseplants were decorative. Now, I’m whispering sweet affirmations to a Philodendron I named Moira and gasping audibly when she gets a new leaf like she just passed her SATs. I’ve become that woman. I’ve left the TV on for them. I’ve apologized for forgetting to water them. I’ve accused them of being “dramatic” when they wilt.

Moira deserves better, and I’m working on myself.

📣Say “Because I Said So” Unironically

When I was a kid, I hated hearing that phrase. It was the verbal equivalent of slamming a door in my face. I swore I’d never use it. Now? I say it at least twice a week. It’s efficient. It’s final. It’s the verbal equivalent of removing your earrings and giving someone the look.

🪑Make a Noise When I Sit Down or Stand Up

You know the one. That “ooooofft” or “ahhhhhh” like I just climbed Mount Everest instead of getting out of my Kia Soul. I used to giggle when my mom did it. Now it’s me. Every chair gets a dramatic audio cue. And if the chair is low to the ground? Might as well bring snacks. I’m gonna be down there a while.

 📺Fall Asleep with the TV On… Watching a Documentary… About Sourdough

I used to be the queen of chaos. I needed 3-hour-long dramas, fast dialogue, plot twists, and closed captions and subtitles. Now? Give me a monotone voice talking about blooming yeast and I’m out in five minutes, drooling and dreaming about fresh bread.

🧺Have a “Laundry Chair”

The chair. You know the one. Not quite dirty. Not quite clean. Just “gently used.” It used to annoy me. “Why not just fold the laundry?” Oh, sweet summer child. I was young. Naïve.  Possibly delusional.

The chair is now a permanent member of the household. We don’t talk about it. We just add to it.

💡Ask “Who’s Paying for All These Lights?” Every Time I Walk Into a Room

Am I my father? Possibly. Am I suddenly sensitive to light bills like I own a power grid? Absolutely. Also, if you leave the fridge open too long, I will lecture you about how cold air escapes and milk costs more than gas.

💊Own a Pill Organizer… And Use It Religiously

I laughed the first time I saw one. “What am I, eighty?” Well guess what? Eighty-year-olds are geniuses. That little rainbow box is the only reason I know whether I took my vitamin D or my mood supplement or accidentally doubled my iron.

It’s cute. It’s color-coded. It’s efficient. I am obsessed.

🍕Say “I Can’t Eat That This Late”

Remember when we could inhale pizza at 2AM and still bounce out of bed like cartoon characters? Yeah, me neither. Now if I eat a carb after 7pm, my ankles swell, my dreams get weird, and I wake up feeling like I wrestled a raccoon in my sleep.

So yes—I’ve joined the 5pm dinner crowd. And yes, I still want dessert.

👨‍⚕️Say “Let Me Ask My Doctor” Before Doing Something Mildly Fun

Want to try a new workout? Let me check with my knees. Planning a spontaneous trip? Let me see if my insurance covers sudden changes in climate. Wanna roller skate? Ha! My chiropractor has entered the chat.

Moral of the Story?

Never say never. Because life is funny like that. One minute you’re judging people who travel with their own pillow, and the next minute you’re shoving your memory foam into a carry-on like it’s a priceless heirloom.

Honestly, it’s humbling. It’s hilarious. And it’s a little freeing to admit that I’ve become the very things I used to mock. But you know what?

I wouldn’t go back. Not for all the fashion-forward shoes or silent refrigerators in the world.

I like my Crocs. I like Moira the Philodendron. I like me.

Even if I grunt when I bend over.

Want more sass, confessions, and midlife revelations? Grab your iced coffee, fluff your laundry chair, and keep hanging out with me here at Honey Without Flowers.

Because around here? We do all the things we swore we’d never do… with style. 💁‍♀️

Natalie🩷